The woman in the mirror and I had a moment this week.
I noted that she was softer than she was last year at this time. Fuller in some places. Deeper in others. Different this year just like she will be next year. I flexed some muscles for her, noted the ways they are changing, again. Turned around. Looked at my cellulite. Flexed the hamstrings peeking out.
I did this without anger, judgement, or disappointment. This is what she looks like:
What I see:
Legs that pull my kids around our neighbourhood in their wagon, up and down and up and down hills because it makes them squeal with delight and makes me feel amazing.
Arms that lift and hold the 290ish pounds of my family (plus occasionally 170lbs of dog as well) in all the ways they need me to.
A body that has carried both immense joy and sorrow for our family.
A fierce shirt and crazy pants.
A killer lip.
A light in my eyes that tells me I’ve got things to say and do and contribute.
I know I am not perfect, I don’t aspire to it. I don’t even know what perfection would look like. But I am no longer interested in viewing myself as a work in progress, either. Smaller is no longer equated to happier in my mind. It is no longer the goal. The stronger I get, the better I feel. The better I am. But building strength is not about being small. It is about being mighty. Grrr and such.
The most effective skill I’ve learned this year in order to find this peace, finally, is to view my body with curiosity over everything else. Listening to it and noting the way it reacts to stressors, different foods, and movement is key. The power to be kinder to yourself lies within you today, you just need to listen, and honour what it tells you. Your body will tell you everything you need to know. If you need some practice being kind to yourself, try repeating these mantras or something similar a few times a day to yourself.
* My body is strong. I love it and all the things it can do. I look forward to continuing to challenge it with new skills as my years go on.
* My mind is strong. I love it and all the things it can do. I look forward to continuing to challenge it with new skills as my years go on.
* My heart is mighty, and it expands with each new connection I make in this world. I look forward to opening it to more people and experiences as my years go on.
It starts with a decision to choose curiosity over judgement. You can just decide and move on. Give it a try!
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