Friend or Foe?


Have you ever had a friend that is pretty fun and happy and nice 25% of the time, but most of the time she can be a bit of a downer and sometimes downright negative or rude?

And even though you know that eventually this person will lash out and hurt you somehow, you find yourself sticking around for much longer than needed?

We mostly hang on to these relationships for one of two reasons: shared history/loyalty (this is how it’s always been/I owe this person), or fear (what will I do without this person in my life/what if they are right about me and I deserve to feel bad? Feeling bad is better than being alone and feeling bad).

Both reasons sacrificing our present happiness for a time period we have no control over, the past or future.

Eventually (hopefully) we get to the point where we think, hmm, this relationship isn’t actually bringing out the best in me and I kind of feel better when it’s not in my face all the time.

So we get little more protective of ourselves, and stop investing so much of our time into it. Maybe gradually at first, just by giving less information in conversation which eventually leads to less conversation which eventually just leads to less.

My relationship with the scale has been much like that for the last two years.

I used to weigh myself every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. Even though I rarely did anything with the information except bully myself. Because that’s what I had always done.

Because I was actively and constantly comparing myself to a thinner version of Amber.

And if I didn’t judge myself each day that way, I was afraid of just how out of control I could get.

And just like that friend who could be so kind but whose sharpness also cut like a knife, I let the scale determine whether I felt worthy each day.

Until I just didn’t anymore.

I went from daily to weekly to monthly to quarterly weigh ins.

Because I started valuing the relationship I had with my body far more than I value it’s relationship to the earth via gravity.

My weight is such a small measure of my person, and it certainly doesn’t take into account the way I feel about my body, the kind of week (or year!) I’ve had, or any of the things I can actually do with it.

And as I pack on the muscle month after month, the number on the scale tells me less and less about how my body actually looks as well.

It doesn’t take into account the way my clothes fit, or the extra 5lbs I added to that lift last night. Or how bad mamajama I feel about adding that weight week after week.

As my friend Erin Brown says, stop going to your scale to mourn. If you are trying to improve your life by improving your health, there are so many other ways to track your progress.

How much you weigh matters so much less than how you feel in your body and the things it can do.

Focus on what the exercise and nutrient dense foods are adding to your life instead of what is (or isn’t) being subtracted from your body.

If you need help, I’m starting a group on Monday to help women just like you build healthy habits around food, movement, and self care. You can learn more here:

The RRM 66

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