Elf Shamed

I was Elf on the Shelf shamed by a lovely lady cashier at the nicest grocery store within driving distance of my house this week.

We had made a family outing of our trip to the metropolis (3,000+ people!) close to us.  The grocery store was the third stop.  The children were irate and in desperate need of the snacks I had tossed in the cart in my dash to the aisle that doesn’t exist in my home store: the asian foods and spices aisle.

I may have spent more time in the spice aisle than the allotted 3.8 seconds usually deemed acceptable for non-cereal aisles (assigned by my four year old).

It had been 17 minutes or so since they had finished the 3 days rations I had packed for the trip (approximately 13 minutes into the car ride).

Did I mention daddy was missing? When faced with the grocer followed by the electrical supply store with two ravenous children who sleep JUST FINE THANK YOU VERY MUCH, he did what any self respecting person would in his position: he ditched.

In all fairness he did try to take the small one with him, but it was clear by then we were at the big grocery store, and everyone knows the best shenanigans happen at the big shop, so off he went, and off we went as well.

We had been in the shop for 11.5 minutes, approximately 3.5 minutes longer than our expiry.

I had the goods loaded onto the belt.  I had one in the seat and one roaming closely, eyeing the gum.  I moved the cart toward where the bags would be coming off. We say hello to the cashier.

LLC: “Have you brought out your Elf yet?”

Me: “Oh gosh, no.  We don’t do that.”

LLC: Gaping…

Gaping…

Gaping…

Me: “Well, at 2 and 4 they’re pretty young yet….”

LLC: “my daughter started her children’s elf when they were 1 and 3.  Oh, the joy it brings.”

Me: “Well, I’m not really creative….”

LLC: “There are plenty of suggestions of things to do on the world wide web.”

Me: “I’m not really sure it’s right for my family.”

LLC: “WELL.  I certainly wish it was around when I had my kids.  They just love it.”

Glaring

Glaring

Glaring

LLC: “That will be $113.”

[Seriously?  HOW THE EFF DID I SPEND OVER A HUNDRED DOLLARS IN LESS THAN 12 MINUTES?]

Me: “Thank you!  Happy Holidays!” <– see what I did there?

Here’s the thing.  I love seeing my friends’ Elves on the Shelves mischievous acts and creativity.  You do you!  But my days are generally a blur of snack/meal making, drink getting, wiping butts, helping clients, writing, and trying to keep my house in some sort of order as it is. I will absolutely resist adding another thing to list until the last possible minute.  And by that I mean unless one of my children expresses a recurring desire to have one during the season, it’s not happening.

And before you get any ideas I have scoped out the boxes this year so I know what they look like.  Send one to my kid and the gift might get lost.  If it gets by me, I have a labrador who loves to chew.  Save your money.  Kissy smoochy face.

But what about the children Amber?  Eh.  At this point I don’t want our lead up to Christmas to be about whether or not santa will be bringing them gifts. * Spoiler alert, they are 2 & 4.  Santa will be bringing them gifts. There are other things we try to focus on as a family during the holidays.  This is not a judgement, this is just us doing us.

Imagine that woman’s reaction had I told her that I didn’t take my 2 and 4 year olds out trick or treating this year either?!  Admittedly they likely would have enjoyed it, it was unseasonably warm here and who doesn’t like candy?  But really, did we need a toddler and a preschooler hopped up on sugar for a month after?  I didn’t feel like we did so I opted out!

That’s the beauty of being a parent, isn’t it?  To opt in and out of things based on whether or not you believe they will serve your family?

You do you!  With your elf, somewhere else.

Love,

The grinchiest customer ever, Amber

** The links in this post are affiliate links from Amazon.  This means that if you click on them and purchase something from the site they’ll send me a small kickback.  It makes no difference to your total.  Mama’s gotta pay the bills!  Keeping it real.