A New Kind of Progress

Confession: I haven’t been on a diet in six months. What started as a short break for vacation before I started prepping for a bikini competition turned into an unexpected pregnancy and then a devastating loss. Three months later and I’m still picking up the pieces. With my brain chemistry and history of depression I’m prone to the seasonal blues around this time of year as it is, but this has been an especially tough season.  I have two small children who are nearly completely dependant on me, so, no matter how tempting it is to build a cave out of that duvet and never come out, I’m up and at ‘er.  And I have a million opportunities every day to count my blessings and hold them tight.  I am so, so lucky I have them.  They heal my heart.

I’ve had a lot on my mind and my plate and giving one f*ck about my macros has not been on the list. However, last month I decided that I was ready to let go of the “maternal tissue” I put on during that first trimester. I gained about 10lbs, mostly in my abdomen, thighs, chest, and hips.  Still not interested in putting in the effort to count and track my food, I decided to take my own super sexy advice and eat more vegetables and drink more water. When that got better I started being more conscious that I was getting in a lean protein source at most meals and snacks.

With the nutrients and energy from the produce, protein, and adequate hydration coursing through me after a few more days I picked up my dumbbells, and kept doing that more days than not for the past few weeks. I think it’s been about 5 weeks since I started eating more vegetables, and the physical changes are encouraging but pale in comparison to the mental. I’m writing again, sometimes furiously. I’m reaching out to people that I’ve missed in my quiet. I’m having more good days than bad ones, finally. I knew I was going to be ok, eventually. I feel like eventually is here.

I’ve learned again that this journey is not linear but it really doesn’t need to be complicated when you are just starting out, or over again. Eat produce. Eat protein. Eat healthy, yummy fats.  Drink water. Move yourself in a way that makes you feel strong. When you are ready, with a little but of guidance, it really is quite simple.  I’ve also learned that even when I’m feeling my worst, I’m still able to inspire other women to start putting themselves first.  What a gift this page and project have been. Thanks for sticking with me through the good stuff and the bad. xo

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